God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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