Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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