no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Randomize
