its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize