I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
