I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
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