I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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