I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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