Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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