playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Randomize
