If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
