Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize