how can u be prego again
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
