My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
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I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
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We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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