I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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