he wants to bone in the snuggie
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
