this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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