...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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