So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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