While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
So much rum. So many feels.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
