But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He shit in the fireplace
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
