Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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