It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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