i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize