Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I think a kid would responsible me up
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I want to be your penis for a week.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
i need some magic done to my vagina
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
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