Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Brb crying the tears of my youth
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
