Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
