How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
