you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
