My brain says no but my pants say off.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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