i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize