She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Just pee around me
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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