I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
