I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I am available for nakedness
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
