What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I think people are normalizing furries
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
