Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
