conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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