He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
