His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
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I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
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He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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