I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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