We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
