I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize