I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
