The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
