I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
