can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
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