gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
