I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize