So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I just found puke in my bra..
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
