The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
