smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Randomize
