I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
