my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
