I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize