Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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