i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
